Online dating is frying my brain. I’m having too many bad or weird experiences.
I thought that hooking up with sexy strangers would be a breeze but it’s like the Wild West out there. I’m single after a six-year intense, complicated relationship. I felt like a bird released the day my controlling ex finally walked away.
But it feels as though I’ve jumped straight out of a frying pan into a raging furnace. One guy sat down and asked me how much my flat is worth. Then he said that if we “got serious” he’d expect me to sign over half of my assets to him.
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Another wept while he described how much he still loved his ex-wife, while a third suggested we get matching tattoos – on our backsides.
I’ve been offered kinky sex, drugs, and stolen goods. One chancer wanted to run £10,000 through my bank account. In each case I finished my wine, made my excuses, and fled. I’ve been told I’m too old, too young, too thin, and too fat.
One fella seemed nice but then let himself down at the last hurdle when the bill arrived for our pizza, and he deliberately placed a hair in his coffee to get out of paying.
So many guys simply assume they’re fully entitled to any kind of sex because I’m single and, ergo, desperate and grateful. When did dating get so sleazy and so tricky? And how am I ever going to find anyone special in this cattle market?
Caring friends tell me that I have to stick at it because I’ll find that special person in the end. Will I? Admittedly, plenty of mates have found love online.
My ex-boss is just about to marry a wonderful man she met through an agency. But I feel lost and more than a little terrified.
JANE SAYS: You have to maintain your standards and believe in who you are.
It may well be that you’ll have to endure a few more bores before you find your prince.
Calm down and accept that there is no rush. You have all the time in the world to find the right person in the right set of circumstances.
Everything must be conducted on your terms within your comfort zone.
If you don’t like the way things are headed in any given situation, then get out. Learn to look out for the losers and I’m hopeful you will find a good guy in the end.
Sadly, I hear complaints like yours from many people – women and men – who are looking for a love the second or third time around.
Regretfully, some individuals have unrealistic expectations and wish lists, but you can’t compromise yourself.
Why not try to go back to the old-fashioned way of meeting someone? Ask friends, neighbours, colleagues to introduce you to any single guys they know.
Don’t forget that you’re freshly out of an unhappy relationship with your ex, so be kind to yourself. Give yourself time to heal.
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