My wife abuses me daily but our friends think she's wonderful

DEAR DEIDRE: EVERY day my wife is abusive to me and puts me down but our friends think she’s wonderful, kind and caring.

We have a rubbish sex life – or at least I do.

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She demands that I perform oral sex on her but insists she “doesn’t do penetration” and she never does anything for me.

We’ve not had sex for three years.

She doesn’t work. If I ask her to do something, I’m met with constant moans.

She can be fine for a while and then suddenly reverts to anger and takes it out on me.

I rarely see my friends now because she regularly stops me.

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They would be shocked by her different character. Her friends think I’m the problem, as she constantly tells them I’m useless and not a real man.

I want to leave but I can’t go until my kids go to university. We are both 48.

DEIDRE SAYS: Staying in a relationship like this is very damaging for your kids. It’s not right that you live feeling belittled.

Tell your wife that things must change or you will leave.

Explain to her that restricting you from seeing your friends is coercive control and needs to stop.

My support pack Standing Up For Yourself will help.

You can find further emotional support through The Change Project (, 01245 258 680), which helps victims as well as perpetrators of domestic abuse.

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