DEAR DEIDRE: MY girlfriend admitted to having sex with BOTH of my brothers. Now she’s pregnant – and any one of us could be the dad.
We’ve been together for two years. She’s bright and bubbly and works at a unisex hairdressers.
That’s where I met her when I went to have my usual haircut. She’d just left college then.
She is 20 now. I am 24, a computer programmer and a self-confessed geek.
I never thought she’d give me a second look but we got chatting and I swear she was flirting with me. There was a big queue for her but she suggested I go in again to have my beard tidied up.
When I called in the next day I asked her if she fancied a drink.
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We started dating and then she met all my family. I’m one of three lads. My brothers are 22 and 27. They both seemed to like her.
I was new to dating but everything seemed to be going well and we had a brilliant sex life when we had the house to ourselves, which wasn’t often enough.
She then started easing off seeing me and I thought I was doing something wrong. We had about two months where I only saw her a couple of times.
I didn’t want to lose her and her birthday was coming up, so I booked us a weekend away in London with a dinner and a show. I planned to ask her to marry me.
We went away as planned but she seemed off-hand with me. I was about to propose when we were having dinner but she said: “Can I say something? I haven’t been very fair on you.”
She went on to tell me that she’d had sex with both my brothers on five occasions in all.
To top it off she said she thinks she’s pregnant and she doesn’t know who the father is.
She said she’s sorry and she wants to be with me. I feel so stupid. I was about to make the ultimate commitment.
Can I forgive her and bring up a child who may be my brother’s?
DEIDRE SAYS: It would be a big ask. You have suffered a terrible betrayal. I know she is your first girlfriend but don’t rush into getting married just out of fear you will never find anyone else.
Trying to raise a child under these circumstances would be fraught with complications. Every family get-together would feel stressful.
As it is, you are going to have some tough questions for your brothers. You need to get this out in the open.
It doesn’t sound like your girlfriend is 100 per cent sure she is pregnant, so she needs to get a proper test done and think through the implications if it is positive. My e-leaflet on Unplanned Pregnancy can help her.
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