DEAR DEIDRE: MY ex is offering me a second chance – but only if the colleague she sleeps with can watch us have sex.
We met during our final year at uni and though this sounds cliched, it really was love at first sight.
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However, our relationship became complicated from the moment we graduated and returned to our home towns 200 miles apart. It just didn’t work in reality.
Though we split up 18 months ago, I still love her. She’s 27 and I’m 26.
A few months ago she sent me a message out of the blue. I realised how strongly I still felt for her — and it was the same at her end.
She was coming to London, where I live, for a weekend with friends and asked if we could meet for a drink on the Friday night.
Nothing had changed. The conversation flowed and we couldn’t keep our hands off each other.
We ended up going back to her hotel room . . . and that’s when I noticed things were different.
She was way more confident than she used to be. Before, it was always lights off, under the covers.
But this time it was amazing — the best sex we’d ever had.
Then she told me she had been “casually” seeing someone she works with and they had started going to swingers’ clubs together. Basically he is a voyeur who enjoys watching her with other men.
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She implied that if I wanted to get back together, she would consider it — but only if I’d let this new guy watch.
She said having two men lust over her at the same time gives her confidence a big boost.
I couldn’t believe it. When we met, she was so innocent. She’d had sex with just one person.
I desperately want her back in my life but I’m not willing to share — and who is to say the roles won’t be reversed and I’d end up watching from the sidelines?
DEIDRE SAYS: You are right to have concerns about agreeing to this.
Threesomes and swinging often lead to jealousy and can ultimately destroy relationships. My support pack on threesomes explains in more detail.
Tell her that you would prefer something more monogamous. If she cannot agree to that, it might be time for you to move on.
Later down the line, your ex might decide this new relationship is not working for her and she will know where to find you.
But don’t pin your hopes on this. Instead, spend time focusing on your friendships and family.
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