Kris says receiving Kim’s over-the-top gift was “one of the best days of my life.”
The woman behind Nori’s Black Book — a viral parody Instagram account written entirely in the voice of Kim Kardashian’s sassy 7-year-old daughter — continues to bring her talents to TooFab.
Each week, “Nori” recaps new episodes of “Keeping Up with the Kardashians,” giving us HER take on all the family drama.
(NOTE: The below was not actually written by North West.)
The episode started with Kim’s friend Foodgod (Jonathan Cheban) visiting her at her home. Kim’s 40th birthday was coming up, so she was telling him that she wanted to do something special to celebrate. Kim planned to surprise her friends and family with a trip to a private location. She rented a private plane and planned to quarantine and test all her guests for COVID. None of her guests knew where they were going, they just knew what they needed to pack. Kim was so over quarantine and she was ready to just have some fun.
North West: This scene reminded me that I need to have the Malikas take Jonathan’s name off of my security clearance list at the compound. If mommy needs to talk to him she can do it at another location, not in my house.
At Scott’s house, Scott, Kim, Khloe and Kourtney talked over lunch about all the birthdays in the family that were coming up. Kris was turning 65, Kendall was turning 25, and Kim was turning 40. Then the following month, Corey and Stormi both had birthdays. Kim was excited about the gift she was getting for her mom. Since getting older, Kris was feeling insecure about her body and had a hard time finding clothes to wear. Kim had the idea to invite her to her home and style 65 designer looks for her. Kim wanted a mannequin to be styled in each look. Kim hired a stylist and a seamstress to work on everything with her. Kim really wanted Kris to feel good about herself. Khloe loved the idea and thought Kris was going to be so excited.
NW: Tell me you hate every piece of clothing your mom owns, without saying you hate every piece of clothing your mom owns.
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At Kourtney’s house, Kim announced to her sisters that she did not pass the baby bar. Kim said the baby bar was harder than the regular bar. She scored 474, but she needed a 560 to pass and felt like a failure. Kourtney said that their dad would be proud of her regardless of her not passing the test. Kim was upset that she missed so much time with her kids because of studying and yet she still failed. She could retake the test the following month but she didn’t have time because she was filming the last season of KUWTK and had her birthday trip planned. She said she could try to take the test or she could give up. She had a lot to think about.
NW: I was disappointed to hear that mommy didn’t pass the baby bar. I already had merch made for when she passed the test. That’s a lot of money that was basically wasted. I was devastated. Guess the Baby Bar Skims collection will have to wait.
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Later, while going through Halloween decorations, Kourtney told Khloe and Kim that for Kendall’s birthday last year she bought her an Hermes tea set and then for Christmas she got her all the matching serving platters, so for Kendall’s upcoming birthday she wanted to add to the collection with dishes. Kourtney called Hermes to get photos of the things she previously bought for Kendall so she could match it, but the store informed her that Kendall had returned all of Kourtney’s gifts. Kim and Khloe found this hysterical. Kendall seemed to like it when Kourtney gave it to her, Kourtney could understand why Kendall would be uncomfortable about telling her she didn’t care for the gifts. Kourtney wasn’t mad and actually found it funny that Kendall never told her she didn’t like the Hermes dishes. Kourtney said she was going to keep giving Kendall the Hermes sets because she thinks it’s funny her sister wouldn’t just tell her she doesn’t want them. Kourtney couldn’t wait to see her reaction. Although she is not a “returner” anymore, Kourtney was sure this situation was karma from when she used to get gifts from people and always return them to the store.
NW: Why do I have the feeling this is all a set-up for some sad POOSH article: “What To Do When Your Sister Returns Your Hermes Gifts Back To The Store During a Pandemic.”
In Kim’s gym at her home, she told Kourtney and Khloe that Kris was snooping around her closet and found 1 of the 65 looks Kim was going to give to her. Kim was freaking out and asked Khloe to go in the house and ask her assistant for the clothes for herself so the surprise for Kris wouldn’t be ruined. Khloe quickly grabbed the clothes (because Kris was roaming around the kitchen) and moved them to the gym.
Kourtney dropped by Kendall’s house with salads and her Hermes birthday presents. Kourtney was really excited to see her reaction. Kendall opened her gifts and expressed how much she loved each piece. Kourtney thought that she was a great actress! Kourtney pressed the issue and said she couldn’t wait to see the full set and maybe even have a tea party.
The girls then changed the subject to Kim’s 40th birthday trip. They speculated on where they could’ve been going, but they just didn’t know. They both were looking forward to wherever they were going because it had been so long since they all had a trip together. They felt really lucky they were able to go.
NW: Sometimes I get sad about our show ending and then I see scene and storylines like this and I wonder why we didn’t pull the plug on this show sooner.
On the birthday trip, everyone that Kim loved was with her on a private island. Kim provided her own, self-shot footage of her trip. Khloe said the trip was a blessing and it was amazing. It felt like it was everyone’s birthday. Kanye came to the island later, but he had Kim’s friend present Kim with his gift: A hologram of her dad, Robert Kardashian Sr., wishing her a happy birthday. Her sisters and other friends and family members watched the hologram with her. Everyone was really emotional and tearful because it was so life-like. Hearing the hologram talk about Kim’s journey with law school made her want to continue her journey. It was just the sign that she needed. She decided she was going to retake the baby bar.
Overall the trip was so memorable and it was the best trip Kim had ever been on in her entire life.
NW: I’m so glad that mommy enjoyed her birthday trip. We had a lot of fun and Reign only bit 2 of the resort’s employees. That’s great for him!
Back in Calabasas, Kim was styling all the mannequins in the 65 looks she organized for her mom for her birthday. Kim had to hire a production company to find the mannequins and they were super expensive to rent. On top of all of that, Kim’s attorney was coming to town to help her study for the baby bar, which she was retaking in two weeks.
Kourtney visited Kendall’s home to try and catch Kendall in her lie about the plates. Kourtney asked Kendall to see the dishes so she could see that they were not at her home. However, Kendall still had the entire collection. Kourtney felt stupid. Kourtney told Kendall how the Hermes store told her that Kendall had returned all her gifts to the store. Kendall said that she might have returned someone else’s gift, but she would never return Kourtney’s gifts. She actually loved the plates.
Later, Kendall and all her sisters went to Caitlyn’s house for her birthday. Caitlyn was very grateful that her family came to her house to help her celebrate.
NW: I’m so glad I didn’t go to Caitlyn’s house. I heard the party turned into Caitlyn asking the girls to donate money to her campaign.
Back at Kim’s house, Kanye was helping Kim put the finishing touches on the mannequins set-up for Kris’ birthday. Kim was stressing a little bit because her kids weren’t feeling good. Kim wasn’t too worried, but since her mom is at risk because of her age, she wanted to make sure everything was safe.
NW: One of the 65 looks was a Balenciaga hazmat suit.
Kris arrived at Kim’s house with her boyfriend, Corey. Kris looked nervous and cried when she walked in the door before she even saw anything. Kim took her around the house and explained to her that she got her 65 looks (worn by each mannequin) for her 65th birthday. Kris loved it all. It was beautiful and magical. She called it the gift that kept on giving. It was the most amazing gift she had ever seen in her life. She felt like she had her own Met Gala. Kris went around hugging each of the mannequins. Kim really wanted Kris to be happy and feel confident. Kris said it was one of the best days of her life.
NW: I’m just not sure why we are pulling out all the stops for this woman. When was the last time any of us have been on the cover of a respectable magazine? Mommy hasn’t been on ELLEN in years…Unacceptable. I didn’t want to give her a new wardrobe, I’m prepared to give her a performance review.
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Later at Kim’s house, Kim called the doctor and informed him that her son, Saint, tested positive for COVID. Kim believed he caught it from a kid at his school. Kim was trying not to freak out, but wondered what she was going to do with the rest of the family. She told the doctor that North said she wasn’t feeling good either, but she tested negative for COVID. Kim had planned to retest North and herself in the upcoming days to be on the safe side.
Kim and her family ended up testing positing for COVID. Production of KUWTK shut down for 14 days while the family and crew quarantined. Kim continued to film self-shot footage.
NW: I’ve been telling these people for years that Saint needed to move out. Now look at us. We let this super-spreader stay in the house and we all caught COVID. I’ve asked my attorney if I can press charges.
Kim was feeling too sick to study for the baby bar that she was scheduled to take. She was super achy and had a fever. She had a Zoom call with her attorney who was helping her study and he said she needed to think about if she was going to be able to make the test work. Kim asked if she should just fight through it and try. The attorney said that the test has a lot of challenges, but it’s her call. Kim wasn’t sure if she could sit for 7 hours given how sick she was and the medications she was on.
Khloe and Kim talked via their computers three days before her test. Kim talked about how bad her body ached because of COVID. Khloe had COVID in the previous months so she knew exactly what Kim was going through. Khloe added the brain fog from COVID was pretty bad too. Khloe asked if Kim was still going to retake the baby bar. Kim said that there were no extensions given to people who contracted COVID. Kim didn’t want to wait to take the test so she was just going to try, but if she felt really sick during the test then she would stop.
Two days before the test, Kim had a Zoom call with her attorney. Her headache was finally gone, but her body still hurt. Kim had a level of exhaustion that she wasn’t used to. On top of COVID and studying she was also taking care of two kids with no help. Her attorney suggested that she get some rest and he didn’t want to push her.
One day before the test, Saint was having a full meltdown while Kim was trying to study with her attorney. She was finally feeling better and needed to study, but she also had to take care of her kids. Kim was clearly overwhelmed.
NW: This woman really wants you to think she’s a victim. Again, none of this would’ve happened if she would’ve sent Saint to live full time in Wyoming.
The day of the baby bar Kim was excited and felt that she knew more the second time around. Her breathing was still a lot off because of COVD, but she was still taking the test. She ended up pulling through and completed the test. Kim was exhausted afterwards. She felt confident and tried her best. She was proud of herself regardless of the test results, which she wouldn’t get for a couple months.
NW: I never want to hear the words “baby bar” for as long as I live.
“Keeping Up with the Kardashians” airs Thursdays on E!
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