Jacob Rees-Moggs down to last £5m as he struggles to make ends meet

BLACK DOG: Jacob Rees-Mogg is down to his last £5million as he complains of struggling to make ends meet

Jacob Rees-Mogg needs to work on his ‘common touch’ skills. The high priest of Brexit, who led calls for Mrs May to be toppled last week, has complained that he is struggling to make ends meet. The multi-millionaire told the Sydney Morning Herald: ‘Nobody can afford to live in London. I’m not sure I can! I wish I were joking.’ Given Jacob’s property portfolio includes a £5 million townhouse in Westminster, Dog trusts he’ll be fine…

Jacob Rees-Mogg in Westminster, London this week as he made his views clear on Theresa May’s draft Brexit agreement

  •  Boris Johnson fuelled reports he’s limbering up for a tilt at the Tory leadership by bowling up to Labour’s Tom Watson and asking how he managed to shed six stone. ‘How did you lose it all?’ asked BoJo, who reputedly piled it on as Foreign Secretary because tighter security meant he couldn’t cycle to work. ‘Cut out refined sugars,’ said Tom. And get back on your bike, he could have added.   

 Sweet reconciliation for sugar-storm pair

Commons aide Caroline Edmondson, who was asked to buy sex toys for International Trade Minister Mark Garnier.

Peace has broken out between Tory MP Mark Garnier and the ex-aide he called ‘sugar t**s’. Caroline Edmondson, left, who complained that Mr Garnier had used the disparaging moniker in front of multiple witnesses – before sending her out to buy a sex toy – says the pair ended their near decade-long feud at a Commons reception for the British divers who led the rescue of boys trapped in caves in Thailand. ‘It made us realise that life is too short!’ she told Dog.

  • Hailing Theresa May, loyal Tory Minister Jake Berry saluted her EU accord as the ‘Cuprinol’ deal – ‘it should do what it says on the tin – transition Britain in an orderly way out of the EU’. Except the famous old slogan is used by woodstain maker Ronseal. Oops.

 Screen idol anguish

Michael Portillo’s rubbishing of Mrs May’s Brexit deal as ‘worse than staying in the EU’ will have been particularly painful for Downing Street communications supremo Robbie Gibb. Back in his days as a Tory HQ staffer in the late 1990s, Gibb’s computer screen-saver was a picture of the then heir apparent for party modernisers… the blessed ‘Miguel’ himself.

  • Flamboyant Tory knight of the shire Desmond Swayne was ‘stopped and searched’ as he was about to enter the Commons. ‘I was in my running gear with a backpack and the policeman wanted to search it,’ he says without complaint. Did he find anything? ‘No. Thankfully, I wasn’t carrying what I sometimes do – a very sharp knife for my morning grapefruit.’ 
  • Brexit-hating, Corbyn-loving Paul Weller of iconic band The Jam takes aim at rock stars living overseas who can’t wait till the country they no longer live in quits the EU. ‘It’s the expat thing,’ moans the ‘Modfather’ to Uncut magazine. ‘Let your cannon off in your villa in Portugal, wave your flag.’

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