I've been having great sex with two amazing men but my life is a complete mess

I am actually in love with another bloke I work with but he has texted to say he is going back to his ex. I’m only 19 and my life is a mess.

I started seeing this brilliant guy in the autumn. He’s 23. He had just come out of a long-term relationship but swore it was finished.

We dated and started sleeping together, though he would never take me anywhere where any of our colleagues might see us.

In a way that suited me because I have been having this scene with an older married man for nearly a year. He is 38.

We flirted at work and he asked me back to his home one Friday when his wife and kids were away for the weekend.

He has a gorgeous house and he offered to show me around.

We went into his bedroom and he held my hand and started kissing me. His kisses turned me to slush and before I knew what was happening we were stripping off and we had sex.

It blew my mind. I stayed at his place overnight and the next day we had sex again.

He can’t find excuses to meet me that often but when we do get together the sex is really hot. He says his wife went off sex after having their second child. His kids are 11 and nine.

He calls me most days but if he has something on with his wife that, of course, comes first.

He told me the other day he had fallen for me big-time but then quickly followed it with: “But you know this can never lead to anything more.”

The trouble for me is I do want more, especially now the guy I really love is starting over with his ex. I see him every day at work but he ignores me.

It feels like we never even existed. My heart is broken.

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DEIDRE SAYS: The sex with your married lover may be hot and his sweet words keep you hooked, but this is not a real relationship.

You are sharing no other parts of your lives with one another and he has made it very clear that you come second to his wife.

You admit your life is a mess but much of that is because you have not given yourself time to recover from the break-up with the guy you really loved, and you have given over control of your life to your lover.

You deserve better than playing this man’s games. Find the courage to walk away as the first step towards meeting a man who is right for you.

And the best way to do that isn’t to go hunting but to build yourself a life that is full of interest and activity so you are not looking to any guy for all your self-esteem.


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