The term "soulmate" is controversial. Finding the one person in the entire world whose soul was meant to be matched with yours is hard and unrealistic, at best, and totally impossible for cynics. But there’s something comforting about knowing that there is someone (or several someones) out there for you. Adopting the mentality that your soulmate isn’t necessarily one person, but could be anyone, really, is good to keep in mind when you’re dating to find your soulmate. In fact, there are several ways to date intentionally, whether that intention is to hook up, date casually, or tie the knot.
Finding someone you can see yourself with in the long run might not happen overnight. Additionally, you might not know it right away. Dating is a process for a reason. "If your belief is that soulmates are ‘known’ at first sight, you may miss your soulmate as sometimes soulmates are discovered over time," Dr. Joshua Klapow, clinical psychologist and host of The Kurre and Klapow Show, previously told Elite Daily.
So, before you dive into these expert suggestions about dating to find the real deal, know that it might not be a short and simple process, but it will be worth it in the end.
1. Be real about what you want and need.
Finding a soulmate is exciting, but experts maintain that it’s important to be realistic when it comes to what you want. "Get clear about who you want in your life and what a relationship with your soulmate would look like," intimacy and sexuality coach Irene Fehr tells Elite Daily. "Start exploring for yourself what is it to have a soulmate, what does it mean to you to be with a soulmate, and what would this kind of relationship look like."
Additionally, Fehr says to "be specific," and to ask yourself, "What do you need in a relationship — emotionally, space-wise, support, fun, etc? What are you willing to contribute to a relationship?" Be honest with yourself so that you can be prepared when you start looking for yours.
2. Remember, a soulmate isn’t a bandaid.
Finding someone to spend your life with is amazing, but it won’t magically make your life better. "No one is going to fill a void — you have to realize that happiness is an inside job and if you are taking excellent care of yourself, chances are much higher that you will meet a soulmate who also values themselves," intuitive dating coach and author of The Dating Mirror: Trust Again, Love Again Diana Dorell tells Elite Daily.
3. Take care of yourself, too.
With that in mind, it’s crucial not to get too overwhelmed by looking for your soulmate. Try "self care and taking care of your body, mind and spirit daily and not expecting a relationship to make you feel good about yourself," Dorell says. "Also, compassion and kindness toward yourself and others — as well as practice setting and sticking to boundaries around your time, energy and schedule."
As Dorell says: "What you accept is what you put out for another to treat you."
4. It might not be easy.
While your soulmate won’t magically make your life perfect, a good partner should help you become a better version of yourself. "A big misconception is that once you meet your soulmate it’s all hearts and roses and you live happily ever after. But a soulmate relationship is there to help you grow!" Dorell says. So if you’ve found someone you think might be in it for the long run, but you’re worried the relationship isn’t "perfect," stop worrying. Dorell says that a soulmate "can be a mirror to show you all the parts you are still ashamed of, are still healing, learning to accept, etc. It isn’t all easy but who you become as a result is so worth it.
5. Stay positive.
Dating can be tiresome — that’s to be expected! But, Fehr maintains that having a positive attitude makes all the difference. "You have to believe that your soulmate and the relationship you desire exist and are inevitable for you," she says. "Start with the end goal in mind — paint a vision of the relationship you desire, the goals met with your relationship, how you’d feel being with them — and act as if all of those were true and inevitable."
As my most influential fortune cookie I’ve ever received said, "That which you manifest is in front of you." So, get manifesting!
6. Don’t be shy!
Sure, you might be nervous while out on a date with someone new, but if you’re really intent on finding that one person you’re meant to be with, shyness won’t be super helpful. "Get curious and ask many questions of the people you meet," Fehr says. "Learn about what they value, like and need. Discover what makes them happy and excited in life — and what scares them."
"Be willing to share these about yourself, too," she adds. "By being curious and open, you get to create and practice a soulmate relationship through openness, vulnerability and emotional risk-taking."
7. Know that you’re in control!
"Know that you have the power to create a soulmate relationship by being the soulmate that you want to meet — meaning, acting today in ways that you want to be in your relationship in the future," Fehr says. "If you want to develop trust and feel respected, respect yourself by having strong boundaries that a potential partner will know to respect." Practice on yourself, first. "Soulmate relationships get to be created, not merely left to chance," she adds.
And finally, "Don’t stop living your life because you haven’t found ‘The One’," Dorell says. "Take action, put yourself out there," of course, but "release gripping so tightly to the outcome so stuff can flow the way it’s meant to!" You can’t control everything, so while you can keep these tips in mind, at the end of the day, you might have to just trust that you’ll find them someday.
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