I think I got an STI from having sex with my online lover — have I passed it on to my husband?

We’re both married and I’m worried I may have caught an STI and passed it on to my husband.

I’m 44 and my husband is 45. We’ve been married for 21 years.

It has mostly been happy but I longed for some excitement, so I joined a few dating sites just to have a bit of fun.

I got talking to one guy and he seemed really nice.

After messaging one another for a month or so we agreed to meet up in a pub. Our eyes locked across the bar and from there our affair began. He looked much better in real life than he did in his profile picture. He’s 49.

We got on really well and, after a few drinks, he invited me back to his flat. He said he stayed there when on business in the area.

I felt safe with him so we walked back to his place holding hands. It felt very romantic.

He didn’t grab me when we got there but made us coffee and we sat down on the sofa. He then reached over to kiss me and I responded. We ended up having sex on his sitting-room floor like teenagers.

We have carried on seeing one another for two years. I have a feeling my husband may know what I’m doing and it is starting to put a strain on my marriage.

My lover has had affairs with other women, too, which he has been open about. I have been experiencing symptoms recently which I think might be an STI. I am worried my husband may have caught something from me as we still have an active sex life.

I feel disgusted with myself but I can’t stop seeing my lover. He makes me feel wanted and needed, unlike my husband.

I am in love with my lover and I believe he loves me. My marriage is crumbling while my relationship with this other man is getting stronger, but I’ve no idea what to do now.


ONCE we are in love, we may assume our relationship will look after itself. In reality, we have to give it attention and time.

My e-leaflet Relationship MOT can help you avoid a crisis. For a copy, email me at the address below or message me on my Facebook page.

For a copy email [email protected] or private message me on my DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.

DEIDRE SAYS: Untreated STIs are dangerous. Get yourself checked out at your local genito-urinary (GUM) clinic where you can all get the right treatment if needed.

Avoid sex with your husband until you know for sure. If you have an infection, brace yourself because you’re going to have to tell him as he will need treatment, too. In that case, I hope he forgives you.

In any event, stop seeing your lover. The sex may be fun but it’s going nowhere. He’s clearly not planning to leave his wife and you won’t be able to unhook yourself if you meet with him.

You say your marriage is mostly happy but it sounds as though you and your husband have let the passion and romance drift away. My e-leaflet 50 Ways To Add Fun To Sex can help.

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