I am a guy of 47 and my boyfriend, 21, puts his mates before me — even as mum died

I am a guy of 47, he is 21. We have been in a relationship for 16 months. We live 50 miles apart and have split before but got back together.

My mum died three weeks ago. She brought me up alone and I am her only child. I never knew my dad so I had to make the funeral arrangements.

I texted my boyfriend to tell him. I expected him to drive over to support me but it was a Friday evening and he texted back that he was going to a leaving do and would try to come afterwards.

He texted that he was coming over at midnight. I had gone to bed and didn’t wake to the text so he stayed with his friends.

The next weekend he said he was going to a party but would see if he could get over the following weekend.

Now he says he is going on a stag weekend so he cannot see me then.

He has not been there for me and I think he does not value me enough. I am not sure there is any chance for us.

DEIDRE SAYS: You are at very different life stages. He probably has very little experience of loss or of being supportive.

He is a lot younger than you are and may simply not be ready for the kind of commitment you want.

Ask him to be honest with you about whether he thinks you have a future together.

If he cannot convince you, it would be better for both of you to be free to find the relationship you want.

You can find support to help you handle the distress of losing your mum through Cruse bereavement care.

See cruse.org.uk or call 0808 808 1677.


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