Expert reveals the three signs your gaslighting YOURSELF and exactly what to do about it
- Dr Julie Smith has revealed the top three signs you are gaslighting yourself
- The psychologist says people who have been in toxic relationships are at risk
- She explained some people become ‘their own bullies’ and need confidence
A psychologist has revealed the top three signs you are gaslighting yourself – and how to build the confidence you need to stop.
Dr Julie Smith, who posts under ‘Dr Julie’ on Instagram and has a million followers, said people who have been in bad relationships often continue to gaslight themselves once they have escaped.
The first sign is that you blame yourself for everything, she explained in a recent video.
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Dr Julie Smith, who posts under ‘Dr Julie’ on Instagram and has a million followers, said people who have been in bad relationships often continue to gaslight themselves once they have escaped
‘You make excuses for other people’s behaviour but if you make a mistake you believe you have made a fundamental about ho you are as a person,’ she said.
The second sign is that you don’t ‘trust your own judgement’ the clinical psychologist explained.
‘You see the opinions of other people as a much more credible source so you live in an almost constant state of self doubt and look to other people for clarity,’ she said.
The third sign you are gaslighting yourself is when you invalidate or ignore your own feelings.
‘You come to believe you are oversensitive or you overreact and don’t know which emotions to listen to anymore,’ she said.
Dr Julie says people who can relate to the signs are ‘doing the bully’s job for them’.
‘Gaslighting has a devastating impact on mental health,’ she explained.
She says blaming yourself for everything is a huge red flag
What are the three signs you are gaslighting yourself?
1 – You blame yourself for everything
2 – You don’t trust your own judgement
3 – You invalidate or ignore your own feelings
‘For those who have experienced abusive relationships in the past, we can internalise the voice of the abuser and learn to treat ourselves in the same way, even long after we have escaped the situation,’ she added.
And it appeared the video was relatable for many.
‘I feel like this all of the time,’ one woman wrote in the comments.
‘Oh my gosh, I do this all the time,’ said another.
‘This is so true, thankyou for the reminder,’ said another.
Building confidence is key to changing these thoughts and behaviours.
More than 42,000 people liked and commented on the informative post.
How to change your MINDSET: The secret to growth and confidence
1. Make a habit of looking out for signs of a fixed mindset. The goal of a growth mindset is never complete. Like motivation, you have to keep working at it every day. To do this, keep tabs on it.
2. Listen out for any thoughts or self-talk that sounds like this:
‘I can’t do it. I won’t be able to’
‘If I make a mistake, they will laugh at me’
‘I’m going to look foolish’
‘That person is better than me. I hate them’.
3. When you try something and don’t achieve it, or you don’t do as well as you hoped. Add this important word to the end of this thought. ‘I can’t do this…..YET!’ This one word takes you from fixed (why bother trying again) to growth (lets work out how to make it better next time). You are much more likely to persist. Never behave as if mistakes are negative. They are essential to learning.
4. When faced with the choice of something safe versus a big challenge, choose the big challenge. When there is more chance of failure, there is more chance for learning and growth.
5. When you hit problems and difficulties, respond to yourself with compassion (see my other posts on compassionate self-talk). Then ask, ‘what can I learn from this?’ And ‘what can I try next?’
6. When you see someone doing better than you, learn from them. Turn jealousy and envy into inspiration and mentoring.
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