From Assange to O.J. in just four kisses! CRAIG BROWN finds the ‘love links’ between celebrities
For a while now, the former Baywatch star Pamela Anderson has been snapped popping in and out of the Ecuadorian Embassy in London to visit its infamous resident, the WikiLeaks founder, Julian Assange.
Needless to say, the enticing way in which Pamela dresses for their political discussions has led to speculation that romance is in the air. How close are they? In a television interview at the weekend, Pamela admitted that she and Assange were ‘very close’.
Furthermore, their long meetings at the Ecuadorian Embassy leave her ‘exhausted’. But she added that though they share ‘a romantic struggle’, they are not an item. ‘We don’t have a romantic relationship like that,’ she said.
For a while now, the former Baywatch star Pamela Anderson has been snapped popping in and out of the Ecuadorian Embassy in London to visit its infamous resident, the WikiLeaks founder, Julian Assange
Is Pamela just being bashful? I do hope so. We are currently living through a boom time for what one might term HG or ‘Horizontal Genealogy’. If Pamela Anderson were to get together with Julian Assange, several HG family trees would be completed.
Forget Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody… CRAIG BROWN imagines how…
Cardigan or a pullover, what gets your vote? CRAIG BROWN…
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Let me explain. Pamela Anderson used to be married to Tommy Lee, the drummer with Motley Crue. Before that, Tommy Lee dated the happily named actress Tawny Kitaen, who, in the mid-Eighties, was the girlfriend of O.J. Simpson. So this particular romantic ribbon could have joined Julian Assange to O.J. Simpson in just four kisses (Julian – Pamela – Tommy -Tawny – O.J.).
But there is another line from Pamela Anderson that yields even more surprising links. Tommy Lee was also married to the Dynasty star Heather Locklear. ‘Tommy doesn’t worship the devil, he worships me,’ she once remarked.
Needless to say, the enticing way in which Pamela dresses for their political discussions has led to speculation that romance is in the air. How close are they? In a television interview at the weekend, Pamela admitted that she and Assange were ‘very close’
Before she met Tommy Lee, Heather went out with an actor called Scott Baio, the star of Happy Days and a little-known film called Zapped! Early this century, Baio had a fling with Liza Minnelli; he even claimed she had asked him to father her child.
Back in 1986, the nervy Minnelli had a dalliance with the luxuriously moustachioed American TV presenter Geraldo Rivera, who ungallantly boasted about it in his 1991 kiss-and-tell memoir, Exposing Myself. In that same work, Rivera also revealed he had enjoyed a quick fling on a rowing boat in Central Park with Margaret Trudeau, the former wife of the Canadian Prime Minister (and mother of the current one).
So, just to recap, this line would now go: Julian – Pamela – Tommy – Heather – Scott – Liza – Geraldo – Margaret. But it doesn’t end there: not by a long chalk. In the late Seventies, Margaret Trudeau had an affair with Mick Jagger, who is in many ways the Spaghetti Junction of Horizontal Genealogy.
Pamela Anderson used to be married to Tommy Lee, the drummer with Motley Crue
One branch line from Mick Jagger takes you through his second wife, Jerry Hall, and on to her new husband, Rupert Murdoch. This would link Julian Assange to Rupert Murdoch in just ten kisses.
On the other hand, some may prefer to take the scenic route. In the Seventies, Mick Jagger had a romance with Carly Simon (‘He made me feel fantastic’), who had earlier been an item with Warren Beatty (‘We made love like in a movie’).
From Warren Beatty, the line can be made to progress in almost any direction you want. In one direction, it even arrives (via Barbra Streisand-Elliott Gould-Vicki Hodge) at The Duke of York and Fergie, should you so want it.
Personally, I prefer to leap from Beatty to the British actress Carol White, known as The Battersea Bardot. White once spent three romantic weeks in Palm Beach with Frank Sinatra. Frank Sinatra, in turn, had a fling with Marilyn Monroe, who enjoyed a famous relationship with President Kennedy. By my reckoning, this would link Julian Assange to President Kennedy in 14 kisses.
Are you paying attention at the back? Another line from Marilyn Monroe takes you to her affair with Orson Welles, via his marriage to Rita Hayworth, and Rita Hayworth’s marriage to the playboy Aly Khan. Aly Khan was the lover of the socialite Thelma Furness who is most famous for being the girlfriend of — tarantara! — King Edward VIII.
So there we have it: a modest 17 kisses link Pamela Anderson to King Edward VIII. If only Julian Assange and Pamela Anderson could be persuaded to abandon their wretched ‘romantic struggle’ and get on with it, then Assange would be linked for ever to King Edward VIII. And from there to the Duchess of Windsor. Or would that be going too far?
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