Ending a relationship usually isn’t easy. You might have doubts about whether or not it’s the right thing to do if you’re the one ending things, and if you’re the one being broken up with, you might feel blindsided. There are a lot of emotions that go along with a breakup, and they’re all totally valid. But once your partner becomes an ex, do those feelings you used to have for them just suddenly disappear? More, can you fall back in love with your ex? According to experts, it’s totally possible, and it happens more than you might think.
In most cases, it’s totally possible to fall back in love with someone you used to date. "Once you love someone, unless your respect for them is destroyed, you can always love them again," Susan Trombetti, matchmaker and CEO of Exclusive Matchmaking, tells Elite Daily. "This is the person that knows your hopes, dreams, and secrets. You had a bond that is easy to reestablish. Why do you think some people are always threatened by their partner’s ex? You have got a hold on them and vice-versa."
It’s hard to move on from an ex, and because they were such a big part of your life, it’s totally normal to fall back in love, Trombetti says. Your ex may have had, or still has, a piece of your heart from when you were together. This isn’t to say that you aren’t complete without each other, but if it was a loving relationship, there may always be a part of them with you and vice-versa. "You don’t fall back in love with an ex," Heather Kristian Strang, spiritual guide and matchmaker, tells Elite Daily. "The love was always there, the question now is — is there more work to do together? Is there more joy to have together? Is there more that you two are to create together? Or, is it complete? Have you both grown together as fully as you can?"
On the other hand, if your relationship was tumultuous and you ended on not-so-great terms, falling back in love with an ex, while possible, might not be the best idea. While, "it’s OK to fall back in love with your ex if things change," Trombetti says it’s also important to remember that "you broke things off for a reason. Don’t let your emotions take over and wind up back where you were pre-breakup the first time. If someone is willing to fix the things that were wrong, if they are fixable, then it’s safe to give it another try. If it’s a fatal flaw though, like compulsive lying, cheating or abuse, then that’s always a no-go. Don’t ever go back or look back."
While this might be easier said than done, she also has some great tips for how to avoid falling back into the arms of an ex. "Create space and break off communication so you can move on," she says. "As a matchmaker, this is the number one thing that holds people back from finding the right one," Trombetti explains. "I always say, ‘Everyone is hung up on someone, whether it’s real or in their head.’ Don’t be hung up on your ex comparing everyone to him because you have feelings of love being stoked on a regular basis by your ex."
If you know your ex isn’t the one for you, the best course of action is probably to avoid getting back together and try your very best to move on. But if your relationship was a healthy, happy, stable one, and you ended it for reasons that, now, seem like part of the past, there’s no harm in trying again.
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