KIDS are always listening, even when they try their hardest to appear otherwise, so it’s vital to use positive messaging whenever you can.
One parenting expert on TikTok shared the phrases she (almost) never uses with her children, and the positive phrases she subs out instead.
Positive parenting advocate Destini Ann starts the video with a phrase many parents know well: “I’m the adult, you’re the child.”
Destini avoids using the phrase with her two daughters, and its common companion, “because I said so.” Instead, Destini substitutes a comforting and confident message.
“You can trust Mommy! I got your back,” is Destini’s go-to, because it reinforces her expertise without making her children feel small.
She points out that it also serves as a valuable reminder, when kids are faced with hard and scary things, that they have their parents’ trust unconditionally.
Even in the middle of a tantrum, Destini says, “I never say ‘stop crying.’”
After all, she says, it’s completely normal: “Kids cry! Adults cry!”
Destini immediately redirects the tantrum into a solution-focused conversation, by acknowledging her child is crying, and then asking, “What do you need?”
Sometimes, she says, a child gets so overwhelmed that they can’t express what they need until asked outright–and once a nap, a snack or a Band-Aid is deployed, an hour-long tantrum crisis is easily averted.
Finally, Destini shared a tip to make positive interactions with kids even more impactful and uplifting.
She never says “Good job” when her daughters show off an accomplishment. Instead, she picks a specific attribute to compliment.
"I want to give them specific reasons why I'm proud of them,” Destini explains. “It shows my kids that I really am present with them, and it is great for our relationship."
When her child brings an art project home from school, for example, Destini will compliment the color choices or the technique.
By showing her daughters that she’s paying attention, Destini earns their trust and confidence, and boosts their self-esteem, too.
Destini Ann runs a “positive parenting community” on her Patreon, where subscribers can access Q&A sessions and exclusive videos similar to those on the single mom’s TikTok.
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