Late Night Hits Trump With Colonoscopy Jokes

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‘They Had to Film It in Imax’

A new book by the former White House press secretary Stephanie Grisham, “I’ll Take Your Questions Now,” revealed some fun facts about Donald J. Trump on Tuesday. One of the biggest bombshells was about the former president’s mysterious visit to Walter Reed National Military Medical Center in 2019, which Grisham said was for a colonoscopy that Trump stayed conscious for, in part to keep late night television hosts from finding out and making fun of him.

“I have to say, it gives me a lot of satisfaction, as a late night talk show host, to know that he opted to stay awake while they augered his innards with a sewer snake specifically because he didn’t want us making fun of him,” Jimmy Kimmel said.

Kimmel said he felt cheated, finding out such vital information so late in the game: “Because when a president, especially this president, gets a colonoscopy, it is my duty — that’s right, duty — to make jokes about it.”

“The president’s doctor decided to schedule this procedure after the White House toilet killed itself.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“It took a while because the doctor kept accidentally sticking the camera in his mouth.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“As soon as they switched the camera on, Trump turned around and said ‘Hey doc, how are the ratings?’” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“Afterward, the whole medical team kept saying, ‘Wow, what an unbelievable [expletive].” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“The doctors said the hardest thing about giving Trump a colonoscopy was getting the camera around Mike Pence’s nose.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“Yeah, colonoscopy was no big deal — they only found three polyps and Rudy Giuliani.” — JIMMY FALLON

“Well, sure, with this president, they had to film it in Imax.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“Oh, my God, that had to be terrible — for the doctor who had to give a colonoscopy while the guy on the table kept screaming about how he won Michigan.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

The Punchiest Punchlines (The ‘Music Man’ Edition)

“The book also says a White House official known as the ‘Music Man’ would play Trump his favorite show tunes like ‘Memory’ from ‘Cats’ to pull him from the brink of rage. It makes sense because Trump’s presidency is exactly like ‘Cats’ — awkward, bizarre and no one had any idea what the hell was going on.” — JIMMY FALLON

“And if they wanted to drive him to the brink of rage, they’d show him the movie ‘Cats.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“Yep, Trump listened to ‘Cats’ to cheer himself up while the rest of his staff remained ‘Les Misérables.’” — JIMMY FALLON

“One thing I know for sure: Some day, when Ryan Murphy eventually makes an ‘American Crime Story’ about the Trump White House, I am definitely playing the ‘Music Man.’” — JAMES CORDEN

The Bits Worth Watching

On Tuesday’s “Jokes Seth Can’t Tell,” the “Late Night” writers Amber Ruffin and Jenny Hagel poke fun at white neighborhoods and gay dating apps.

What We’re Excited About on Wednesday Night

Stephen Colbert will welcome Anita Hill to Wednesday’s “Late Show.”

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