I’m a man of 41 and my wife is 42. We have been married for 19 years and have a 16-year-old daughter. We haven’t had sex since she was born.
My wife and I were together for a couple of years before we got married, we were each other’s first sexual partners.
When my daughter was born things changed. All the attention went towards her, which I understand. But I’d ask my wife when we could be intimate again and she’d say “soon” or I would be pushed away.
We live like brother and sister. I do lots around the house. I cook, clean, wash and iron even though I work full-time, just to show I love her in the hope that one day we can have sex again.
A new lady came to work in our office and we became friends. She’s 38 and divorced.
She said she’d never looked at another man until she met me. She asked me on a date but I turned her down.
We’d still chat at work though. When I told her how long I’d gone without sex she was shocked and said: “What? Why are you living that way?” I supposed I’d never really thought about it.
Over the next few weeks we did see each other outside of work and then we naturally moved our relationship on in a physical way.
The sex is wonderful.
She’s willing to wait for me but I don’t want to upset my home life. My daughter still lives with us but, when she goes, what sort of a future will I have with my wife? I can’t face another 20 years in a sexless, loveless marriage.
Some have unrealistic expectations as the average is five to seven minutes.
My e-leaflet Self-help For Premature Ejaculation explains how men can learn to last longer.
For a copy email [email protected] or private message me on my DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.
DEIDRE SAYS: If you feel your marriage is bleak, your wife probably does too, yet you’ve continued to paper over the cracks, pretending everything is fine.
You haven’t split up so are some loving foundations still there? If sex is all that’s missing, have a serious talk with her about why she’s never given either of you the chance to enjoy some intimacy again.
Maybe she never discovered what can make sex really enjoyable and satisfying.
Be clear that a sexless marriage, when one of you so misses sex, is unlikely to survive happily.
If your wife is willing to make an effort, my e-leaflet Save Your Sex Life can help. Tell your colleague you have to focus on your marriage.
If it’s clear nothing is going to change at home, best be honest with your wife that it’s over rather than continue to cheat.
Your daughter will be picking up the vibes that your marriage is in trouble anyway and you can still keep in close contact with her.
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