In today’s world of films, it seems like everything is a remake, reboot, sequel or spinoff of something we’ve seen before as the demand to see some things we’ve seen before through new lenses has grown. However, there are times when it feels like the Hollywood machine is going just a little too far for our taste and means to ruin our millennial film-watching experience.
Here are 12 reboots coming our way that we really don’t need.
1. Ace Ventura: Pet Detective
Why would anyone want to touch this Jim Carrey classic? According to Deadline, there’s talk of the hit film being relaunched — and we can only internally gag at the thought. Carrey’s comedic timing is what really makes this film, and we’re not confident there’s someone who can take the reins in this film. Furthermore, it’s hard to say how well a lot of the physical comedy and the hijinks Ace Ventura gets into in the original film would translate to a 2018 setting, making us only more hesitant about a remake.
2. Big Trouble in Little China
When it was first announced Dwayne Johnson was going to be involved in a continuation of the 1986 cult classic (which falls within the realm of reboots for the sake of our argument), we weren’t exactly into the idea. The fantasy-action film, which stars Kurt Russell (who will forever be Jack Burton in our opinion) and Kim Cattrall and follows a trucker who has to rescue his friend’s fiancée from an evil sorcerer, is the perfect campy parody of kung fu movies, and the wild lengths to which it goes (hello, there’s an exploding ninja in this movie that still boggles our minds) for a good laugh means it is best left in 1986.
3. Charlie’s Angels
In the last 20 years, not only did we get two Charlie’s Angels films, but we also got a short-lived TV reboot. But it seems the folks upstairs won’t let this franchise be, since a new film starring Kristen Stewart and directed by Elizabeth Banks, which will once again reboot the franchise, is in the works.
Much like the James Bond franchise, Charlie’s Angels has the ability to continue into perpetuity due to its very flexible premise and the ability to send the Angels on new missions. But does that mean it should continue when there’s a chance to bring newer female badasses to the screen (see: Atomic Blonde)? We don’t think so.
4. Child’s Play
Since it first burst on the scene in 1988, the legacy of Chucky as first seen in the horror camp classic Child’s Play is going strong. However, news that Chucky is returning to the big screen in a new Child’s Play film that will exist concurrently with the original franchise left us a bit deflated. With original horror films like Get Out and Hereditary being made, there doesn’t seem to be much need to return to a franchise based on a sociopathic toy. While a movie like that was probably scary in the ’80s, it rings hollow nowadays.
5. The Craft
Much like Clueless, The Craft is another film chock-full of peak-’90s nostalgia that makes it hard to imagine how it would be updated to best fit in a contemporary setting. Momentum on the planned reboot seems to have slowed to a crawl since it was first announced on the 20th anniversary of the film back in 2016, and we hope it stays slowed down — even though Craft alum Robin Tunney said she’d love to return.
6. The Fly
Another iteration of The Fly is apparently coming our way, and yet (and yet!), we are not at all buzzing at the prospect. Sure, it’s cool Jeff Goldblum, who starred in the 1986 version of the film (itself a remake of the 1958 film), is reportedly interested in being involved in this new film, but we don’t see the need to ruin a good thing here, namely the legacy of The Fly. The film worked mostly for its gross-out factor as protagonist Seth Brundle (Goldblum) transformed from man to fly. Add to this the off-the-charts chemistry between Goldblum and Geena Davis, and we’re in firm favor of not rebooting or remaking this whatsoever.
What hurts even more about this news is that it comes from the original creator. Chris Columbus said a Gremlins reboot was absolutely happening. Reasons this shouldn’t be rebooted? Just look at Gizmo’s face!
The puppeteering used for the film was a staple of the ’80s (i.e., The Labyrinth, The Neverending Story) and reportedly took a lot of work. With that said, it’s safe to assume the work will be now CGI, which may remove the horror-comedy aspect of the film. Additionally, bringing the Gremlins into a new generation when their biggest adversary, light, can be held in the palm of your hand with a cell phone means they could be dead within seconds of an encounter — as could the movie.
We adore them too much and would prefer to see them shine a big, bright light on this potential film so we can only have the original (and its lovely sequel) to delight in every Christmas.
9. Sister Act
We love Whoopi Goldberg, but we’re not behind this remake.
There’s some buzz this film about a lounge singer hiding out in a tone-deaf convent during a mob murder investigation may be getting a reboot. While there’s no word on whether previous star Whoopi Goldberg will be making a cameo, this is another film that wouldn’t fare too well. Deloris Van Cartier is supposed to be in a witness-protection program. How can she do that when the Snapchat of her newly famous choir can blow her cover in all of 10 seconds? Anyone who thinks the church is too sacred a place for social media has not seen all the memes across the interwebs.
If that’s not a sign from above this film shouldn’t be remade, we don’t know what is.
Our hearts just about broke into pieces when we heard one of our favorite movies, Splash, was getting a remake. Granted, the movie is a little dated, but when you figure it’s (essentially) a mature live-action version of Disney’s The Little Mermaid, it can really do no wrong.
Channing Tatum and Jillian Bell have been linked to the film, which will put a spin on the gender roles by making Tatum the merman who comes to land to win the woman of his dreams. Tom Hanks has given his blessing on the flick, but if you ask us, you can throw this fish back into the ocean and leave well enough alone. The limited technology at the time of the film is what allowed for the “mystery” of the mermaid. Now, we live in a culture in which everyone has a phone — even waterproof ones — at all times, making the whole “I can’t get photographic proof he’s a merman” plot unrealistic — it’s virtually doable in minutes with a sophisticated water pack and an Instagram account.
Also, Disney has made plans for a live-action The Little Mermaid anyway. We’re good with one singing, dancing fish-person coming ashore.
It had been rumored for quite a while that 1988’s Beetlejuice was also going to get the reboot treatment; however, it was later said to be more of a “sequel” than a remake. The film has since undergone a few rewrites — and even teased Tim Burton, Winona Ryder and Michael Keaton may come back, but recently, there hasn’t been a definitive yes or no.
One great thing about this movie is the chemistry between all its stars… who have all since aged some 30 years. Bringing back the old cast will be hard to do since “dead” couple, The Maitlands (Alec Baldwin, Geena Davis) technically shouldn’t have aged at all. Writing them out of the film will be extremely hard due to their 100-plus years of confinement to the house.
Even still, the “ghost with the most” still wouldn’t fare too well in today’s climate — what with having to contend with uninterested teens too glued to Snapchat and IG Stories to give his hijinks the time of day. Oh, and ghost hunters with reality shows that would love to make a mockery of his death. As far as we’re concerned, this one can stay dead and buried.
11. Disney’s Live-Action Remakes
For the most part, we’re not fans of Disney’s huge rollout of live-action adaptations in the past couple of years due to its inability to make something new of the films they’ve released. For example, 2017’s Beauty and the Beast starring Emma Watson was almost a side-by-side, line-by-line recreation of the original animated film. When Disney isn’t just replicating its film with flesh, blood and CGI, it’s making drastic changes to key characters and components, like its proposed Mulan adaptation without Li Shang. No Li? No thanks.
Another primary concern about these live-action reboots is the feeling this is all a big cash grab; instead of breathing life into new or untold stories, Disney is banking (pun intended) on its well-established cash cows for guaranteed sales.
When it was announced 1995’s Clueless was tapped for a remake, our immediate response was, “As If!” Clueless, which itself is a modern-day movie adaptation of the Jane Austen novel Emma, is a cult classic featuring financially privileged LA teens and has spawned amazing catchphrases and killer cosplay over the years.
The film acts as a time capsule for the ’90s and quite honestly may not translate very well with our everyday usage of social media, which would make several of the situational issues of the film easy to solve with a simple text or the drop of a pin.
Though we shudder at the thought of Clueless being overhauled for Generation Z, we’ll have to grit our teeth and tolerate Hollywood’s endless attempt to use our millennial sentiments to their advantage.
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